As Thanksgiving approaches, I’ve been giving some thought to what I am grateful for. I’m hugely grateful for my loving husband and daughter Sierra. I was thinking about this because I had a conversation with my husband Paul this morning. One of the things that came up, I’ve been feeling lonely, because Paul has been gone from home in the past few months doing his own activities. I asked, “Do you think you are prioritizing me and Sierra enough.” He said, “I’ve been inviting Sierra to come with me; you could choose to come too.”
And that made me think about my role a wife and mother. Many women of my generation have believed we could make our own way and do whatever our desires were. As I became a successful single career woman and subsequently a married woman, that was my belief. Even after I married, I pursued things I enjoyed like girls weekends away with girlfriends to scrapbook, hike and hot tub. I’ve also been to the Better Investing Investor’s conference twice to network with investors and study the investing method taught there. I regularly take off and pursue my own hobbies as they come up.
When I would do these things, my interests, I would leave my husband and daughter behind (with my husband’s agreement) and I felt happy and content and comfortable when I was gone. It also helped that often my Mother comes down from up north to spend time with Sierra in these instances. It seemed perfectly okay to me for this to be my activity.
But over the past few months as my husband’s had “his own plans” I haven’t been crazy about how that made me feel. So, I thought about why that became a standard in our relationship. I started thinking about how if you were a housewife in the 50’s and 60’s, men and women’s roles were so delineated and defined. And that was the only choice! My reaction to placing my “me time” ahead of my family was based on feelings I imagine women had in the 50’s and 60’s, which I’ve never really had because of how my life has been and because of my awesome husband! I was able to see the situation through lenses where I could now see my behavior as somewhat selfish when I didn’t see it that way before!
It made me feel grateful for this new insight I am having and right before the holidays. It made me think about how grateful I am for my husband, daughter and my Mother, and how maybe it would make sense going forward for my husband and I to discuss and prioritize the time we each have in pursuing our individual interests and make sure as a family we are keeping things balanced (as much as possible).
Enjoy your relationships and your blessings this Thanksgiving Holiday! And please give me your comments below about this topic below!
Hugs,
Debie